Oh, to be touched by Grace....

"He touched me, Oh, He touched me,
And Oh, the joy that floods my soul.
Something happened, and now I know
He touched me and made me whole."
                          (chorus: "He Touched Me", Bill and Gloria Gaither)

Touch.... It was one of the theme words in the sermon today, as our church  continues a study of Mark. We had already seen how Jesus had broken every social and religious rule when he reached out and touched the leper (Mark 1:41); today our pastor focused on Mark 7:33, the healing of a deaf man, Jesus putting his fingers in the man's ears and even touching the man's tongue; it contrasts with His having simply spoken a healing just a few verses before, as he responded to the Syrophoenician woman's request for her daughter's deliverance. He didn't have to touch the leper, nor the deaf man, to perform a miracle, but there was something so very personal in the touch. Perhaps Jesus knew that for that particular leper, and that particular hearing impaired man, to be touched made the healing even more profound and meaningful.

Touch...As captivating as the sermon was, I was distracted: several rows in front of me, a young woman was equally focused on listening to the pastor, but nevertheless was casually rubbing her husband's back, caressing his neck, just touching him. A row over, another had her head resting on her husband's shoulder. And next to them, a husband had his arm around his wife, while she simply held the hand that embraced her.

Touch...Psychologist Gary Chapman has become famous for his descriptive work on "The Five Love Languages". Of the five (acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch), every time I have taken the personal survey, my top have always been the latter two. I hug, I hold, I pat, I touch. And I like to be hugged and held and touched, to the level that I sense my chromosome pattern may include some lap dog genetic material. So it has been a sadness that as part of Karen's illness, she has lost a desire for touch, either giving or receiving; there is no walking together holding hands, if I put my arm around her while we are sitting she will lean forward to avoid the contact, and should I intentionally or accidentally touch her arm or leg while near her, she will recoil. This is not who she has ever been; this is one of the quirky changes that can accompany dementia, a disturbance of visuospatial perception that makes her uneasy if anyone or anything invades her personal space.

Touch...One of the bittersweet benefits of sharing this blog is the ability to hear from others who are in similar situations; I just yesterday finished a second Skype call with a retired missionary who has been caring for his wife, his life partner for many more than fifty years, now mute and essentially unresponsive as a result of her dementia. He and I talk not so much to offer each other suggestions or advice, but to just be able to confide in another person who understands the nature of the feelings that accompany this life challenge. When I told him that Karen had announced to the care facility that she was going out to eat dinner with her husband, and had recognized and greeted me when I arrived to pick her up, he was obviously envious. His wife has not been able to speak or acknowledge his loving presence for some time. But when I was telling him of my missing Karen's touch he shared that his wife still took great comfort in his caress, in his holding her. I initially told him, not so jokingly, that I would trade some of Karen's retained verbal skill if he could give her some of his wife's receptive comfort with touch; he and I both realized that while we long for what we have lost, we both have some retained ability to love. But he still longs to hear. And I still long to touch, and be touched by, Karen Grace Davis.

There is nothing profound in this writing. It was just a touching weekend, so to speak, and I wanted to share. And I want to thank those women who sat in front of me in church today, who found automatic, intuitive, affirming comfort in touching and being touched. And for all of you out there who still have the full spectrum of ways to say "I love you", don't miss using any of them. Give affirmation, learn to receive graciously, serve, take time to be together.

And touch.

I'll be watching....


BD 

barneydavis@gmail.com